Sunday, January 16, 2011
Special Invite: R.S.V.P
To start of 2011 I am going to be giving away my debut album "Life Of The Party" for FREE for a LIMITED TIME as an introduction to the Coonethegoonedagr8/Bang Squad Ent BRAND! The album will be available for download on my website http://www.coonethegoonedagr8.com as well as a LINK on mediafire.com and other sites. In return for this I just ask that you spread the word by "SHARING" the album and creating INBOUND LINKS to my website so that others can also download the album for their enjoyment as well. I will start out by releasing singles 1 by 1 to various blogs and eventually releasing the whole album for FREE for a limited time until it makes it's way to iTunes. So stay tuned EVERY WEEK for the announcements of the release of my new singles!!! Untill then........ well, ....... just stay tuned!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Flying Gold-Toothed Monkeys Swarm Atlanta!
CNN NEWS: Update
"Leave of abscence has officially been canceled for Atlanta police officers for the weekend of April 16-18, as they will all be expected to work 12 hour shifts in preparation for the return of the infamous FREAKNIK. Swarms of winged gold-toothed monkeys have already been spotted trailing behind candy painted cars along I-285 into the Atlanta area. Ever since rumors have circulated on Facebook & Twitter that the legendary college picnic had returned, students have cancelled plans to go visit their families for spring break instead, opting out to shake their booties on top of custom candy painted cars, parade the streets of Atlanta butt-naked, pop thizzles (extacy), and act a complete ass with flying gold- toothed porch monkeys from outer space! Mayor Kisim Reed who stated to the press in February, "I don't believe it will materialize, and it's not my intention that the city will be supportive of it", is now sweating 357 slugs as he briefs the Atlanta Police for the 3-DAY FESTIVAL of ASS & TITTIES, and says it's not the students or residents that he's worried about, it's the swarm of winged thugged-out horny extraterrestrial flying gold-toothed monkeys from outer-space cities like St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, Detroit, Minneapolis, Houston, and lord knows where who come to breed and spread their seed of embryo winged gold-toothed little monkeys during the mating season known as Freaknik. Atlanta already has their very own flying monkeys to deal with in addition to the surplus. Sources close to the movement say the horny winged monkeys, some of which are fresh out the joint, are very thirsty, due to the fact they they haven't seen a Freaknik festival in over 10 years. Although the Mayor is prepared to take whatever means necessary to ensure a safe environment, organizer's of the event swear on their left nut that it will be orderly and peaceful fun for young adults, and promise that the flying monkeys only come to make LOVE, not WAR, and that even though they're strapped with razor sharp chicken bones and hollow-tipped watermelon seeds, it's only to protect them and their females from other horny hatin'ass-monkeys with no formal home training that get oiled-up (full of liquor) and don't know how conduct themselves, cuz they ain't never been out of town, and they act like they ain't never seen no got-damn pussy!!!
As one event organizer who wished to remain anonymous said: "Some of these monkey ass niggas from outer space ain't never been outside they got-damn projects, let alone, to a nice 3-day event with beautiful black women dressed half naked shaking they asses in the middle of busy intersections with no panties and miniskirts blowing in a breeze of cush under beautiful sunshine!!! Now, .... add that shit with some Grey Goose + Ecstacy + Tank Full of Gas + Hotel rooms full of other Horny Winged Monkeys and voila! What do we have here? ....... Honestly, I don't blame ya'll for being a little worried, but trust me, we just here to PARTY! We ain't had this shit in so long, it's gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much PRETTY BLACK ASS occupying our time, that WE AIN'T GONNA HAVE TIME TO BE TRIPPIN OFF SHIT ELSE!!!!!! PLEASE BELIEVE IT!"
So far things have been calm in the area, but flying gold-toothed monkeys have been spotted buying fitted's, forces & exclusive J's like a rabbit hopping through hell with gasoline on his tail!!! Resident's are stocking up on liquor condoms and black n' milds getting t-shirts and hats airbrushed with 7-11 logos hoping to cash in on the event, and stripper's are putting down payments on condominiums and planning trips to fucking St. Tropez!!! Will it live up to the hype after 10 years of hibernation? Only time will reveal. Reporting live from Atlanta, Georgia, This is LARRY KING with CNN NEWS.
---CNN.COM/LARRYKING
"Leave of abscence has officially been canceled for Atlanta police officers for the weekend of April 16-18, as they will all be expected to work 12 hour shifts in preparation for the return of the infamous FREAKNIK. Swarms of winged gold-toothed monkeys have already been spotted trailing behind candy painted cars along I-285 into the Atlanta area. Ever since rumors have circulated on Facebook & Twitter that the legendary college picnic had returned, students have cancelled plans to go visit their families for spring break instead, opting out to shake their booties on top of custom candy painted cars, parade the streets of Atlanta butt-naked, pop thizzles (extacy), and act a complete ass with flying gold- toothed porch monkeys from outer space! Mayor Kisim Reed who stated to the press in February, "I don't believe it will materialize, and it's not my intention that the city will be supportive of it", is now sweating 357 slugs as he briefs the Atlanta Police for the 3-DAY FESTIVAL of ASS & TITTIES, and says it's not the students or residents that he's worried about, it's the swarm of winged thugged-out horny extraterrestrial flying gold-toothed monkeys from outer-space cities like St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, Detroit, Minneapolis, Houston, and lord knows where who come to breed and spread their seed of embryo winged gold-toothed little monkeys during the mating season known as Freaknik. Atlanta already has their very own flying monkeys to deal with in addition to the surplus. Sources close to the movement say the horny winged monkeys, some of which are fresh out the joint, are very thirsty, due to the fact they they haven't seen a Freaknik festival in over 10 years. Although the Mayor is prepared to take whatever means necessary to ensure a safe environment, organizer's of the event swear on their left nut that it will be orderly and peaceful fun for young adults, and promise that the flying monkeys only come to make LOVE, not WAR, and that even though they're strapped with razor sharp chicken bones and hollow-tipped watermelon seeds, it's only to protect them and their females from other horny hatin'ass-monkeys with no formal home training that get oiled-up (full of liquor) and don't know how conduct themselves, cuz they ain't never been out of town, and they act like they ain't never seen no got-damn pussy!!!
As one event organizer who wished to remain anonymous said: "Some of these monkey ass niggas from outer space ain't never been outside they got-damn projects, let alone, to a nice 3-day event with beautiful black women dressed half naked shaking they asses in the middle of busy intersections with no panties and miniskirts blowing in a breeze of cush under beautiful sunshine!!! Now, .... add that shit with some Grey Goose + Ecstacy + Tank Full of Gas + Hotel rooms full of other Horny Winged Monkeys and voila! What do we have here? ....... Honestly, I don't blame ya'll for being a little worried, but trust me, we just here to PARTY! We ain't had this shit in so long, it's gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much PRETTY BLACK ASS occupying our time, that WE AIN'T GONNA HAVE TIME TO BE TRIPPIN OFF SHIT ELSE!!!!!! PLEASE BELIEVE IT!"
So far things have been calm in the area, but flying gold-toothed monkeys have been spotted buying fitted's, forces & exclusive J's like a rabbit hopping through hell with gasoline on his tail!!! Resident's are stocking up on liquor condoms and black n' milds getting t-shirts and hats airbrushed with 7-11 logos hoping to cash in on the event, and stripper's are putting down payments on condominiums and planning trips to fucking St. Tropez!!! Will it live up to the hype after 10 years of hibernation? Only time will reveal. Reporting live from Atlanta, Georgia, This is LARRY KING with CNN NEWS.
---CNN.COM/LARRYKING
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Freaknik 2010. Return of the Freakazoids!!!
When I heard a rumor that Freaknik was returning to Atlanta, I was initially in shock, completely caught off guard. After a couple of google searches and phone calls, to my surprise, evidence of the rumors where starting to solidify. Spring break 2010 is here to give CPR to a legend! But the question remains. Will it even have a snowballs chance in hell of coming close to living up to the legacy of it's former glory? That's a big shadow to walk behind. Like trying to put a twelve year old in Shaqs shoes, pushing him on court with the Globetrotter's and blowing the whistle! Ok. Play ball! Can this really happen overnight? Who knows. You know what they said in Field of Dreams........ "If you build it, they will come."
When I was still in Junior High, the stories I heard about freaknic was a phenomenal pre-puberty adolescents revelation of heaven on earth!!! Boatloads of sexy ladies riding on top of cars topless, miniskirts and no panties, random sexual acts in the backseat of cars both traveling and parked, wet t-shirts with no bra, liquor- weed & head in hotel lobbies and bathrooms, big-booties blunts and debaucherous "buked-naked" action in 3-D panoramic view with surround sound and random condom wrappers and panties laying around errrrrrrwhere!!! .......... Well, ........ at least that's how the kids who had family members in college down south painted the picture anyway.
As I got older Freaknic Atlanta became the equivilant to the search for the holy grail. It was like talking about the Super bowl or March Madness or some shit!!! Then something happened. Shit just up and dissappeared. It all came to a grinding halt.
(In my best Lil John impersonation):
Us: "WHAT!" .......
Them: It's OVER. The city ain't having it no more.
Us: "WHAT!"........
Them: Too much bullshit. Mayor Bill Campbell was like "Hell!2daMuthafukin'-Nall!!!" we ain't having it pal.
Us: "WHAT!?!"
(In my best Sheriff Andy Griffith Mayberry impersonation):
Them: "I mean come on, ..... be realistic buddy. Did you really think we where gonna let you pistol-packing-blunt-smoking-rosco's-chickenbones-laying-everywhere-leaving-feltmarker-cd-pushing-trunk-rattling-badonkadonk-shaking-trojan-packing-norcotic-networking-gang-affiliated-OmegaKappaAlphaBlahzey-what-ever-thefuck-party-packing-thizzil-popping-ass-black-bastards make that shit an ongoing tradition indefinitely and get away with it?!"
Us: "What!?!"
Them: "You cut off traffic like Kane in Menace, block the roads, stop whole fucking intersections to get some head at a red light, leave whole gotdamn Bar-B-Q rib bone trails back to your crackhouse like Hansel & fucking Gretel, pollute our fiiiiiiiiiine Coca-Cola with Hennessy and have the audacity to leave the empty bottles sitting next to EMPTY gotdamn trash cans, pollute the airwaves with your pocket-full-of-stones-southernplayalystic-smack-a-bitch-50WattAmp-monkey-music, toss out condoms & tampons from mid-town to Buckhead like its your gotdamn bedroom littered with party balloons and jelly doughnuts, piss-streams longer than the mississippi river down the sidewalks like project elevators, not to mention keeping our entire unit working 12 hour shifts on weekends, sexual assaults, attempted robberies, lewd conduct, traffic jams, massive littering, and you black bastards wanna do this shit for three days straight year after year after year after year after fucking year, AND YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT A FLYING MONKEY'S CHANCE IN HURRICANE KATRINA TO SEE A SEQUAL TO THE WIZARD OF OZ AND WE'RE NOT GONNA STOP IT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Us: Ummmmmmmmm, ............. ummmm.............( damn, ...... you got me) .............
OKAAAAAY!
Fast forward spring 2010:
Us: It's back! It's back! It's going down Baby! Nall Fuck-THAT!!!! We seen the flyers niggaaaaahh, .....it's official Bay-Beeeeeeeeeeeee! We back up in this muthafucka! Biaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch!!!!!!! ;-O
Mayor's office: "Fuck all that shit! We're not even welcoming a G-Rated Freaknik. No permits-No support. Nope. No-way. No-how. That's our story and I'm sticking to it."
Mayor's Office (To the press): "Our primary concern is to make sure we have the public safety and sanitation plans in place throughout the week. So that when people come to our beloved city they have a good time, and that we can ensure that our visitor's are safe, and our residents are safe and not inconvenienced................... WE'RE ON IT!!!"
Later that evening at headquarters:
Sgt Mayberry (briefing his unit) : "Well boys, (gasping)........... Get ready! It's official. Freaknik is back. And this time their bumping CooneTheGooneDaGR8 Life Of The Party the album in their trunks the whole fucking spring break to the end of summer!!! That could only mean one thing fellas. It's gonna be a lot of wet-panties, pajama-jammies, big-booty cuties with Trojan heavy duties, buked-naked black and mild puffing, rough-sex-humpin'-n'-huffin, swisher-splittin', sub-wolfer hitten, blahzey-blah Yaba-Dabba-Doo and Fuck You Too!!!"
CNN NEWS:
Doppler radar has spotted what appears to be a gargantuan swarm of winged porch monkeys with gold teeth flying straight through tornadoes' and hurricanes by the boatload racing towards the South! Their destination appears to be, ............
---- Atlanta, GA.
All pilots are instructed to be alert, prepare for a 3 day storm and utilize the Captain Sullenberger Maneuver to avoid collision with the winged monkeys. It would also be helpful to wear dark sunglasses to block the rays of sun reflecting off the plethora of shimmering gold teeth and custom Pall Wall Grillz that may cause acute blindness and dismay. All Atlanta metropolitan area residences are cautioned to stay in their homes on the weekend of April 16-18, until authorities have confirmed that the "gold-toothed monkeys" have safely returned home to roost. Authorities have also warned local residents to resist the urge to pet and rub the scantily clad beautiful female winged monkeys, as they may be armed and dangerous, hurling razor sharp chicken bones and spitting hollow-tip watermelon seeds at rapid fire like automatic weapons. Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed warned us, "I don't support Freaknik at all, but if you are non-black, stay in the house, my people become hostile when you threaten to throw them out the club, ..... let alone shut down a historically horny 3-day monkey bar-mitzpha! let them party and I guarantee they will leave peaceably. They will not harm you if they are not provoked. Even a vicious pit bull in heat won't bite you while he's fucking."
Sources say their hasn't been a storm of this magnitude in Atlanta since late 1999. Freaknik was originally a picnic sponsored by the DC metro club at Spellman College in the early 80's. It eventually grew into an all out "freak-for-all" where hundreds of thousands of college students, horny bastards and winged gold-tooth monkeys travelled to Atlanta to partake in the festivities that included cookouts and concerts (read: orgies) at parks around the city that continued until the mid 90's. There's even been rumors circulating on Twitter to utilize the hashtag "#LifeOfTheParty" to locate a promoter's list of all spring break after-parties in the entire South! Rapper CooneTheGooneDAGR8 has cancelled opening for T-Pain at a local Atlanta nightclub, to instead perform his Billboard chart climbing hit single "Exotic & Strange Places" on the hood of an SUV parked in the middle of an intersection adjacent to Washington Park surrounded by 10 drop dead gorgeous but-naked stripper's from Strokers in broad daylight! They will be wearing nothing but stilettos, ... and rubber bands on their wrists to collect "donations".
This is Larry King reporting live with CNN News."
Sgt Mayberry: Red Alert! Red Alert! Code 10-97, First batch of ice-grilled winged monkeys already spotted landing at Motel 6 in Marietta Georgia. Proceed with caution.
Marietta Police: Roger that!
Us, Huey & Riley (from the Boondocks) in unison: "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah Muthafuckaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! We off to see the Wizard now Got-Damnit!!!
Can't Stop-Won't Stop Niggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!! And we bumpin that CooneTheGooneDAGR8 Exotic & Strange Places on you hoe's!
Life of the Party Biiiiiiiiiiiaaaaatch!!! LOL.
Huey: When we get through brushing our forces with grandpa toothbrush and the rest of this Shout,
we gone call up my baby mamma sister cousin Shae-Shae & Ne-Ne that used to work at Babe's and tell her to tell ALL her friends at Stroker's to slide through for this bomb ass "pre-freaknik-prequal-in-advance-before-it's-actually-here-party!"
Riley: Matter-of-fact, just tweet that shit right now nigga! Twitter #LifeOfTheParty
Everybody: Hell Yeah!!!
Later that night:
Actually, after some deep thoughts on the matter in a euphoria of cush Imo's pizza and and Mike's Hard Lemonade, I've come to the conclusion that it's too good to be true. Too much hype. Ain't no way in hell the 1st annual Return Of Freaknik gonna live up to it's former glory after all these years. But like they say, ......... If you build it, they will come! And ME TOO Got-Damnit! So with that being said, .... hit me up on Twitter and keep me posted and let me know if that shit poppin!!! http://twitter.com/coonethegoone #LifeOfTheParty. If it is, I'm on the first plane to Atlanta that got clear takeoff from the Northside Gold-Tooth Monkeys that's gonna be flocking Lambert airspace. but until then, I'm in the Lou at the Bino baby! Way in the back!
Holla!
http://myspace.com/coonethegoonedagr8 (ADD ME!)
http://youtube.com/coonethegoonedagr8 (SUBSCRIBE!)
http://twitter.com/coonethegoone (FOLLOW ME!)
T-Pain Presents “Freaknik: The Musical” (Part 1)">Freaknik: The Musical
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
